Updated: Feb 10
Figuring out what you want from life...
Do you remember a time when you were at school and the bullies made you feel bad? Did you have parents that made you sit up until late doing your homework? Did you have times in your life when you missed parties with your friends or your favourite TV programme just so you could get a project you were working on down to perfection?
Realise you are not alone.
The key take-away from knowing all this is that you understand you may need a guiding hand to help you through the challenges you face.
While everyone is different and nobody is perfect, I've outlined here some issues that many face on a daily basis:
1. Comparing yourself to others
2. Putting off today
3. Thinking you have to be perfect
You may have caught yourself looking at another person and feeling slightly inferior to them. Their voice sounds confident, they are dressed smarter/brighter/more fashionable, they stand out from the crowd - and you believe their whole being is better than yours.
These days, you only have to look online, scroll through thousands of images of happy, smiling people having more fun that you are. When you do, that aching jealousy rises up inside and threatens to suffocate you.
You begin to ask yourself, so many questions. Questions like:
How they are having such a good time?
Why do they get to be in such a glamorous location and I don't?
How do they manage to write and sell their book to thousands of followers, and I can't even get started?
Why do they have such a wonderful boy/girlfriend, and I can never seem to find anyone?
How do they look so gorgeous/pretty/handsome...
And on and on...
These all may be so, but have you ever asked why you feel inferior?
Is that little nagging voice at the back of your mind, somewhere, telling you that other person is better than you?
Many people have felt this way. It's natural, it's human and it harks back to when your ancestors lived in a different kind of society, one where competition - or the 'likeness-factor' meant the difference between life and death.
These days, online the bullies are commonly known as 'haters' - those who respond to your online posts in a negative or offensive manner. Some of the bullies are:
the neighbours you thought you could trust who 'snitch' on you for going out twice in a day during the lockdown period.
the people who speak in a friendly way to your face, then stab you in the back the minute you walk away.
the friend you thought you could rely on but when you asked for help, you were greeted with a heavy silence.
To find out that someone has betrayed your confidence, has lied for some reason or another, or who had even created an untrue story about you for their own benefit, is a horrible sensation. It's gut-wrenching and emotionally upsetting. It brings on a kind of fear sensation that locks you inside of yourself.
And we've all felt it at some point.
So, what's the trick to avoiding the pain that comes with that sense of betrayal?
A good thing about knowing how you feel, or why you feel it, is that
You have won half the battle towards gaining control of your own life.
Knowing the way you feel, and acknowledging the ache inside is unwanted, brings to light the urge in you to want to change.
You might remember a certain day where big (and little) things went wrong to the extent that you believed the world and his dog are out to get you.
Sometimes those bad days get to be in your life more often than you'd like and, as a result, you get trapped on some kind of merry-go-round to the point that you begin to accept you must have been cursed in some way back in history - or in another life.
There are a few things to acknowledge that have made things easier so you don't have to compare ourselves to others.
You have a multitude of ways to communicate. From them, there are many voices out in the 'ether' available to guide you. Voices that help keep you calm.
Mental and emotional health have been brought to the front of human conversations.
Ironically, it is good to know that others, too, are suffering the same emotional upsets. To be aware that someone else is struggling with similar issues to you, in an odd way, lifts your spirits.
The good thing from these is that you know you do not suffer alone.
To know that others suffer too, is one way to accept your own troubles. The fears you have to deal with are not so big or heavy. To see them instead of a burden, you can begin to see each as challenges.
When you get to certain points in your life, you won't be able to help but look back and remember those bad bits about life - and laugh about them. Do you know why?
Because you learned something that day.
The challenge presented something that helped you learn how to cope (or not to cope) and it helped to carve your personality. Those challenges helped you see that, when faced with something, you do have the courage to deal with it. You can grow from that experience.
And, best of all, you can begin to learn and accept you as you and not compare yourelf, your life or your gifts to what others have.
Kaye Bewley MA
Kaye is a freelance publisher, author and certified psychotherapist with over three decades of experience. She is also a writer for various blogs about writing, publishing, travelling and health care.
Feel free to visit her BewleyBooks.com site, where you can sign-up to follow her on her various social media platforms.