Updated: Nov 16
You may recall a time when your parents or someone of influence told you your grades had to be perfect or you wouldn't be good enough for whatever it is they, or you, wanted for your life.
Real life isn't like that
Of course, there are the perfect people you come across, you compare yourself to them and you feel a failure. It will always be that way with every comparison you make. But there are also those who are not perfect at what they do, say or how they present themselves and, yet, they still get through life and somehow manage to achieve their goals.
There is a way to overcome this battle.
You are a human being
Yes, we all know human beings are imperfect. There are only signs of perfection in nature. Think about it, even the most beautiful Supermodel in the world has imperfections. They attempt to hide them under make-up and flattering lighting, or even cosmetic surgery. But it has taken hours to make them appear perfect.
Have you seen the videos of 'TheMakeUpGuy' on YouTube? He takes a woman who has no make-up on and hasn't had her hair done and turns them all into princesses. Apart from the fact that this guy has a talen for seeing the beauty within a person, it obviously takes hours to accomplish this. Some clients even spend a whole day in his company.
Regardless of what we look like, this 'perfect' label applies to whatever task you set yourself to. If you are a writer, it doesn't matter if it makes no sense whatsoever, when trying to write words that just won't come because of some 'mental blockage' just remind yourself:
"This is an exercise in forming words on the page. No one will see it, this part is not going to be published."
Trying to be perfect all the time is tiring. It wears you out. It drains you. At some point you begin to realise you are only harming yourself. Instead,
Begin to realise you are fine, just the way you are.
It honestly doesn't matter what other people think of you. If it isn't good enough for them, then move on. We're all different. No one can like everybody.
Either that or have the confidence to ask them to explain specifically what it is that they're not happy about. And don't forget to remind them that that is their view, coming from their judgement from their life experiences.
You don't have to follow their suggestions. You merely have to use it as an exercise to figure out how they perceive you and your place in their world.
Yes, their world.
Wanting to be perfect is a trait within you that you can let go of. It comes from an emotional fear of not being good enough.
Decide for yourself if you want to be good enough for yourself.
What would you like?
Life is filled with challenges. It can either be like a rollercoaster or a merry-go-round. Saying this, always reminds me of the movie I watched. Steve Martin's 'Parenthood'. There was one scene where they were disparing at their children's behaviour and their grandmother walks in and watches the scene. She says, quite happily...
"Life is like a rollercoaster or a merry-go-round. I've always preferred the rollercoaster."
Then she walks away, leaving the parents puzzled.
The truth is, while the merry-go-round will have you sat for many minutes on a wooden horse that goes round and round and round, that leads to nowhere, the rollercoaster is that one that gets you excited. The twists and turns, the upside-downs, even the round and rounds,. And it's those unexpected twirly sensations that give you the thrill.
What their grandmother meant was:
Life is like a rollercoaster. Enjoy the ride.
The one thing that people learn from life is that you have choices to make.
Choices can make you bitter or better
The key takeaways from this rollercoaster ride is the challenges you are made to face. You can go about your busy day, until something throws itself into your face. It ruins the perfection you had created for that day. It slams on the breaks of a seeming idyl that you had been bumbling through without noticing.
Sometimes, those upsets in the form of challenges that we face can make us react badly or respond well. It's our choice to pull ourselves up and recognise what we want to do and what we can learn from each situation that presents itself.
Are we going to become a bitter or a better person from the experience?
Life needs you to kinder to yourself.
When we travel through this thing called life, the choices we make are ones that help us to harm ourselves through being unkind to ourselves, or by healing.
Healing ourselves by recongising that life is an experience is always a better option.
You can heal yourself by starting to be kinder to yourself. That means being kinder to your body, emotions and, most importantly, the spirit inside you. You can be kinder to yourself by learning to recognise that upsets and challenges are life's experiences.
Each experience is designed to help make us stronger.
Kaye Bewley MA
Kaye is a freelance publisher, author and certified psychotherapist with over three decades of experience. She is also a writer for various blogs about writing, publishing, travelling and health care.
Feel free to visit her BewleyBooks.com site, where you can sign-up to follow her on her various social media platforms.